*my lovelies*

  I've been sitting here thinking a lot about all of my girls out there! I never give the credit that they are due, so I wanted to take a minute and tell them how much I love them!

  To all my ladies out there- YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME! For all the things you do, have done. and will do- it means so much to me. To have you by my side through everything, supporting me, loving me and caring for me; you will never understand how much it means to me. I love each and every one of you for that.

  You all never get the credit you deserve, so I am giving it to you now. The little things you do, or the big things, should never go unnoticed. Each of you have done something in my life in some way or another, and I am thankful for that and You!! Never believe that you mean to me any less than what you do.

  I love you all! I love you for who you are, and nothing less. Always remember that! :)

The Real Mother's Day!

Here it is again, Mothers Day. One of the most dreadful days of the year for me. Every year it's the same old story. Most of you know about this day for me, but some of you may not. I'm not going to go into detail about the situation, but a quick run through to catch everyone up to speed. My mother wasn't always around, and most of the time I never knew where she was or what she was doing. She cared more about other things, rather than me. Long story short, she is now in prison for a very long time. Those that are close to me knows why, but that is another story for another time. So, lets just say that I have hard feelings towards her. Now it's that time of year again that brings me down. You would think that Mothers Day would be different for me, with my two little ones of my own now. The day is bad enough now, could you imagine what it was like for me before I had kids? They are the only reason I don't hibernate the whole day. I remember in church every single year, our pastor would tell us kids to go sit with our mothers. And I would feel so ashamed, but I chose to sit with my aunt! After all she was more of a mother to me than my actual mother was. I can not express the anger or resentment clearly enough for anyone to understand how terrible I feel about this holiday. I wish that there was someone that could read my heart to understand exactly how it feels. I was raised by my grandmother that was the best mother that ever could have been. I am grateful to God that He put me into her arms. Without her, I wouldn't know what a true mom was supposed to be like. And maybe that is why I am so resentful towards my real mom, because she wasn't the mother she was supposed to be. Whatever the reason is, it was always her fault. If any of you wonder why I am distant lately, or if I seem like I am irritable; that is why. My heart breaks over and over again as the years go by. But there is one day out of the year that saddens me the most.

What to do?

I know I am not the best writer, and I didn't take any college courses in writing or journalism. My ultimate goal is to write a book. After reading The Twilight Saga, it gave me a passion to read more about stories like that. I know of a few that is out there, but none have caught my attention. I wanted to write my own, but I am lost! Coming up with characters, the plot, the story line is mind puzzling! It is a dream of mine, that I hope to do some day. I am hoping that blogging will help strengthen my imagination. How is it, that I want to write a book but I have nothing to write about! I don't get it, but I look forward to doing it, and any thoughts that anyone has feel free to give me a shout!

What a day :)

Well today was a really long day. I hardly ever go anywhere during the day, but I had to go out to Mobile. I had to take Nick  his contact solution. In the mean while, I took the kids to McDonalds and went to the good will. I don't actually like going in there, but I always find some really good things! Today I found a brand new pair of shoes for Kaylee. They are pink ballet looking shoes with beaded designs all over them. She calls them her princess shoes ;) She loves them and they are sooo cute! I also found her a dress. And normally, finding something like that in the Semmes Goodwill is impossible. The dress is sleeveless, a sunday style dress, its purple, and flowers on it. I paid $1.50 for it and it looks and feels like it has never been worn. I was ecstatic when I got home with it. Mainly because she needed things like that. So I started taking out everything to cook, and cleaning up in the process. I started washing the dishes and the phone rang. My sister in law called me to tell me to come get some plants from her uncles, that he was moving and he was leaving them. So she said come get what you want. You see, all month long I tried to get up there to see him to buy them from him, but we have been short on money. So for the plants to be free was the best news all day. I just thought finding the shoes and the dress was great, this was even better. I am going to go back and get more because our truck doesn't hold a lot, and so I didn't get very many plants. Besides, it was dark by that point and I didn't think to take a flash light with me. Looking at plants in the dark, is very hard I must say. By the end of the month my yard should be looking great! I am so excited to have my flower beds back to the way they were a few years ago. Thank you Candace for calling me. I truly appreciate it!

Waves

I am sitting on the beach listening to the waves crashing on the shore line. I can't help to wonder if the waves were to stop rolling in, what would be so enjoyable about the beach? There's sand everywhere, the sun is raging high, the wind is blowing, sand is flying everywhere. The one thing that relieves all the stress that the beach can take away from you is the most beautiful thing at the beach. The sound that they make when they crash is amazing. The beauty they have when they are rolling and crashing. Sometimes, they make me not want to leave the beach. I could lay here all day and listen to the sounds and day dream all day long. But of course, I am daydreaming. I realize that I am not at the beach at all, but that I am sitting in my home where the waves are crashing around me and I can't make them stop. The sound of the waves are terrifying and endless. The harder I fight, the more I get pulled down. The rip tide is pulling me one way, while the waves are hitting against me so hard that it feels like knives stabbing me all over and pulling me the other way. I feel like I am being torn in two. I know in the back of my mind that if I quit fighting the current and the waves that I will end up somewhere out of this whirlwind, but the fight in me can not seem to die away. I wonder to myself, will this ever end. How long do I have to fight before my body grows tired and I completely give up. My heart tells me to fight, my head tells me to do the smart thing and listen to all the advice that everyone had given me about tides. How long will it be before I can make a decision on which one to listen to. Every so often I feel that the tide and the waves hitting me are smothering me, even though I can't breathe any at all, it makes it so much harder to keep from releasing my air in my body and taking a new breath. But just as soon as I feel like I can't hold my breath any longer, the waves stop rolling in, the air begins to calm, and the current has become dead still.

 

 

 I see the light shining at me like a spotlight on a stage. I can see God, my family, and my friends, standing around me reaching out to me to help me out of the water. I never once gave up and in that very moment God knew that I needed someone that could be strong enough to pull me up and out of the dark water. The people around me are telling me how grateful they have me back to them and how they can't understand how careless I could be. Mixed emotions! I never asked to be in the water, the water chose me. The waves and the current was the struggle, not the water. You see, the water is what is called life. The waves are like unmanageable situations in life that hit you so hard that you can barely keep your balance. The current, is the mentality of those situations. At some point in our lives we are bombarded with the unmanageable situations and can't seem to tread water half the time. But it is always up to us when the waves stop hitting us. It's hard for me to believe most of the time. But there comes a point when you have to believe that you are the creator and the controller of your life, of course to a certain extent. You are the one that has to make the problems disappear and believe in yourself to know how to control that aspect of your life. We never ask for problems and I can rest assure to know that they will always be there. Behind every door, outside of every window, there will be something to stop you or slow you down. But, that is when your faith and strength becomes stronger. You never know how strong you can be until that is your only choice. Sometimes it is very hard to keep your head above water, and much harder to swim in the process. No matter how hard we fight it, the waves hit us and take us under. But that is when it is up to us to hold our breath and ride the wave to the shore. The shore is our safest place we can be. The shore is always our first choice to be in the midst of the raging battle with the waves and the tides, but sometimes we have to fight that battle head on and ride it out. We all have our moments of giving up and letting go, but then we are reminded everyday by those that care for us and love us. Us as people, have to remember that we have our priorities in life, and that a priority is more important that giving up. Faith is not only found through God but also found through you. What would faith be if we didn't have it in ourselves. All of us have some kind of faith. It is up to us to know that Faith is our rock. Without standing on a rock, the sand would erase from our feet. Always believe that the water will find peace. Don't forget that Jesus walks on water and He's always there with His arms stretched out waiting for you to reach to Him. YES, it is very hard to reach up above the water to grab a hold of something, but it's always a lot harder to keep fighting the tides, currents, and waves.

                                  
Well, ladies and gentlemen. That was just a thought, not a realization for me. I had a thought and had to write it down. Sometimes,  our thoughts are someone else's life raft.

 

Time Flies

On April 21st 2006,I brought home a 6lb. 11oz baby boy. From the moment I laid eyes upon him, He stole my heart! Those little fingers curled around my index finger, would make me melt . The milestones were simply breath taking. And at times a little too much to bare. But as every milestone can be, they fly by so fast. From their eyes opening, smiling, laughing, rolling over, crawling, walking.......it's over before you realize it.

My little baby boy is now 4 years old. The Milestones are over so to speak. So I find myself getting excited about other things he does. Riding a bike, catching a fish, putting on his own shoes etc.... It breaks my heart to lose that little baby that I used to lay upon my chest and smell his baby scent. There are so many times I have tried to rub him down with baby magic, but he's a big boy now.

Milestones come and go, but little boys never change. Now, its dirty hands, dirty feet, dirty clothes, all from playing outside in the dirt. He is an outside kid hands down. He loves playing in dirt, and fishing, and swimming. You can barely keep him inside during the week.

                                               

From bugs and dirt, to water and sun. My little boy has turned into a big boy now. His smiles, his grins, the laughs and tears, are all the beats of my heart. He makes me truly happy, and I know that he loves me. He thinks I am a hero, I am his hero

Welcome :)

My very first blog ever! I am excited to be joining the blogging community. Thank you for experiencing this with me. If you are up for a long, exciting, and eventful journey; then put on your seat belts and enjoy the ride with me. My life is nothing out of the ordinary, but it is humorous, challenging, and rewarding. My life is full of ups and downs, but God is always in control of those times. :) Thank you to everyone! And special thanks to the ones in my life that inspire me! My life wouldn't be the same without you!