The Real Mother's Day!

Here it is again, Mothers Day. One of the most dreadful days of the year for me. Every year it's the same old story. Most of you know about this day for me, but some of you may not. I'm not going to go into detail about the situation, but a quick run through to catch everyone up to speed. My mother wasn't always around, and most of the time I never knew where she was or what she was doing. She cared more about other things, rather than me. Long story short, she is now in prison for a very long time. Those that are close to me knows why, but that is another story for another time. So, lets just say that I have hard feelings towards her. Now it's that time of year again that brings me down. You would think that Mothers Day would be different for me, with my two little ones of my own now. The day is bad enough now, could you imagine what it was like for me before I had kids? They are the only reason I don't hibernate the whole day. I remember in church every single year, our pastor would tell us kids to go sit with our mothers. And I would feel so ashamed, but I chose to sit with my aunt! After all she was more of a mother to me than my actual mother was. I can not express the anger or resentment clearly enough for anyone to understand how terrible I feel about this holiday. I wish that there was someone that could read my heart to understand exactly how it feels. I was raised by my grandmother that was the best mother that ever could have been. I am grateful to God that He put me into her arms. Without her, I wouldn't know what a true mom was supposed to be like. And maybe that is why I am so resentful towards my real mom, because she wasn't the mother she was supposed to be. Whatever the reason is, it was always her fault. If any of you wonder why I am distant lately, or if I seem like I am irritable; that is why. My heart breaks over and over again as the years go by. But there is one day out of the year that saddens me the most.